ALL ABOUT TOWN

By OLIVER UNDERWOOD

             So, the new Reeta Hotel has an ice plant that will turn out half a ton of ice a day for the guests.         Looks like Brother Lambert had spent a little too much money in this direction, what with forty-two rooms and a corresponding number of guests to push the button for ice-water in the morning. Besides which, the morning after demand is not what is used to be, not what it used to be. And look how the ice consumption has been cut down since John Collins and Colonel G. Rickey joined the ranks of the late lamented. And the Walker boys, Hiram and Johnnie, they used to use up a lot of ice too. But they are all gone now, if not forgotten; and with this quartette out of it, half a ton of ice per diemsort of looks likes over-production.

             The topic of discussion at last week’s meeting of the B.Y.P.U. was Sources of Happiness.

Wonder if Single Blessedness got its deserved recognition?

             The Welland County Hospital is going to make provision for more maternity wards.

The Hospital Board must be keeping an eye on Fonthill.

             It is to be hoped that everybody read thoroughly last week about the Empire Cotton Mill plant. One who has seen similar plants in some of New England mill towns has good cause to get chesty over Welland’s possessing this one. Not merely from the commercial standpoint, which is some big item for the city, but in the underlying spirit of man’s humanity to man the story tells.

             If nominations of employers of labor who are not in the Simon Legree class, are in order, Manager J.D. Payne and his superintendent, Thomas F. Cuddy, are two mighty good names to play. The whole city will join in saying “Atta Boys!”

             Do they call it the Rotary Club because they think one good turn deserves another?

             Last Saturday’s market report says onions jumped from 75 cents to $1.20 per basket. No one dast hit us if we say onions seem to be getting stronger?

             And cow’s tongue is listed in the market report at 45 cents. Suppose one started a dinner with ox-tail soup and finished with this cow’s tongue; that would be sort of finishing with the start and starting with the finish.

             It says that at Oddfellow’s Hall the other night, the special dance, where lights were dimmed and the moon turned on, was especially enjoyable. Went to a little stag gathering the other evening. The host did not turn on the moon, but he poured out a little moonshine, and that was especially enjoyable too.

             Welland Not the Dearest Place on Earth says one of our recent headlines. And that may be proved by L.V. Garner, W.H. Crowther, John Cooper and some others; Fonthill is evidently dearer to those fellows or they wouldn’t have moved out there.

             There is an old saying that a prophet is not without honor save in his own country. That does not apply in the case of Welland’s new Doctor of Divinity. Knox College can confer no higher mark of honor upon Rev. J.D. Cunningham than the honor and esteem in which he is held here.

             According to the report at the Board of Trade, that new pipe line is till nothing more than a pipe dream.

             An editorial last week said that St. Catharines has a higher tax rate than Welland and that about the only joy the Welland taxpayer has is the realization that in St. Kitts they have to pay more. There is another and much greater joy for the Welland taxpayer-he doesn’t live in St. Catharines. To pay the higher taxes and live there too, would be a mighty tough combination.

             Reeve S.A. Thomas, down at Port Robinson, advertises a fresh milch cow for sale. Everybody knows Sam never did have any use for anybody who tried to get fresh with him; maybe that’s why he is selling the cow.

             Miss S.E. Oill of the teaching staff of the Fonthill Public School is good enough to contribute the following: Some of the school boys howlers quoted in the papers are only too real. The other day one of your young folks told us, “The hard part of our body is the bones and the soft part is the brains.” And a short time ago this came from another, “If impure air gets into your sistom, it will harden the lining of your stummick.” Still another, “Our chief export to China is missionaries.” And, “A harbour is a place to get your hair cut.” The above is a mighty welcome contribution. Can’t Welland produce some juvenile emanations to match them? Let us hear from you Sisters. And this does not bar Brothers McCuaig and Flower.

             The latest addition to the ranks of the Welland Chess Club is Chief of Police Crabb. That is going to be mighty handy for the other players, for it’s all in the day’s work for him to say, “It’s your move.” But we hope the Chief is a better chess player than we are, otherwise, he will crab the game.

             Our hat is respectfully raised to the women of the Welland Daughters of the Empire. Did you scan their annual report posted last week? When you consider what these women are doing towards the betterment of life here, and elsewhere, your own head will be uncovered too. Furthermore, it will give you an idea of why the Creator did not stop at his first attempt, Man, but went ahead and turned out something really worth while.     You may be covered, gentlemen, but just keep the thing in mind.

             It is said there are only two seats in the Lambert Theatre which give anything but a perfect view of the stage. It is a safe bet that we will always sit in one of them whenever we happen to attend. That’s foreordained.

             W.D.S. Fraser and the other members of the Board of Trade who stand sponsor for the proposed Boy’s Municipal Council are on the right track. This work of taking in hand the coming generation of our citizens and giving them an idea of civic procedure is most commendable. It will be invaluable training for the boys and their day will reap the full benefit therefrom. But why any distinction between the sexes? As matters are shaping now, the women will likely be running things by the time these young fellows get in the game; and that being the case, why not line up the girls, too, and give them a chance to learn the ropes?

             “Touch Up The Court Room.” That’s what the heading said, but somehow court room and a little touch-up do not seem to synchronize.           Provincial Constable Gurnett is a Sherlock Holmes, all right. And so is License Inspector George Elkins. They go to foreigners to search for liquor; do they waste time digging under the floor for it? They do not; they do not. They pry off the ceiling and bag their game. Cause Why? They know that good things come high.

It was a shock the other day, that headline, ANOTHER OLD LANDMARK GONE. Reading on, we saw it wasn’t Clayte Page’s hat.

The Welland Tribune and Telegraph-2 March 1922