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WHAT I’D DO
[Welland Telegraph December 1903]
If I had thoughts that were mean and base,
And practised cheating and lying,
I’d soon get rid of the deep disgrace,
By trying- trying-trying.
If I had a heart that was full of greed
As the love of self will make it,
I’d do some gen’rous noble deed.
And break it, break it, break it.
If I had a wife whose wordy fights
Made home like hell below it,
I’d turn her loose on women’s rights
To go it, go it, go it.
If I had a son who roamed the streets
And spent his time in shirking
I’d soon convert him to the sweets
Of working, working, working.
If I had a girl like some you see,
In flirting growing ranker,
I’d take her ‘cross my paternal knee,
And spank ‘er, spank ‘er, spank ‘er.
If I had plenty of money to burn,
I’m sure I wouldn’t spend it,
But to give the world a brand new turn,
I’d lend it, lend it, lend it.
If I had a power that wouldn’t fail
And evil couldn’t resist it,
I’d take the devil by the tail
And twist it, twist it, twist it.
If I had-well, whats the need of more?
I feel my wings a.springing;
Give me a harp on the shining shore
And singing, singing, singing.
-B.M. Browne
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